What I miss about Fiji (written at 5 a.m. by an insomniac)

I miss the warmth and acceptance of the people. I miss the absolutely devine Indian cuisine. I miss being able to go to the ocean whenever I want. And I miss being surrounded by nature. But most of all, I miss my self-confidence. Our society beats a person down. It berrates you, telling you that you're not good enough and you probably never will be. You can never be too rich or too thin, right? We're constantly subjected to messages telling us that we need more, more, MORE! You're not a "real" man unless you drive this car. You won't be successful unless you wear this suit. You must take this pill to be beautiful so people will like you. Who can possibly (honestly) delude themselves into true happiness in such a society? When I travel to do research in the field, I don't have access to the brainwashing tactics of modern societies. I'm surrounded by people who know themselves for who they are, not what they own. I've been back for less that a week and I can already feel the materialistic demon in me waking up. It questions how I can possibly be happy and content with who I am and what I've accomplished. "Don't you want more? Others have more. But, they're better than you. You need to look younger, thinner and more beautiful to deserve it. Work harder! They're smarter than you and more successful! Work, work, WORK! Forget about camping, forget about that hike! You must publish, produce, persevere." 'Hard work brings prosperity; playing around brings poverty.' (Bible quotation).
I fear that without my retreats to nature, my soul will wither and die. I enjoy my work, but I don't want to become overwhelmed by it. I want to be successful, but I also want to be happy. We are taught that success is monetary. But, true success is loving what you do and being at peace with yourself. To that extent, I'm not yet truely successful. I'm still struggling with finding happiness and contentment in my life. I don't think that I'm failing, but I think that I must still learning. Maybe that will always be the case. My soul begs to be reunited with nature whenever I return to my box in this concrete jungle.

"As long as I retain my feeling and my passion for Nature, I can partly soften or subdue my other passions and resist or endure those of others." Lord Byron